fredag, september 29, 2006

Elsa Linux' dagbok og andre fiksfakserier

I utlendigheten kan man ikke utlendighetsspråket så godt. Det må man lære seg. Jeg har kunnet ganske mye fransk lenge, men ikke flytende, ikke bra nok, og nå håper jeg jo på å bli flinkere. Jeg leser aviser, hører på radio (hver dag er det en konkurranse som heter "det året der" - man får et spørsmål, man tipper hvilket år det er, man ringer inn, man vinner en radio fra France Bleu eller en dagstur til Jersey, for eksempel. Men folk er usannsynlig trege! I dag var spørsmålet hvilket år man kunne se babyen sin før den ble født - altså når man fikk ultralys i Frankrike for første gang. Det tok to timer - 2 - før noen ringte inn og sa det riktige svaret. Har de ikke nett her? Har de ikke leksikon? Finnes det ingen som jobber med ultralyd? Zsjønnkomprariæ, moa.) og har prøvd meg på bøker. Jeg har kjøpt dikt på fransk (brukt Rimbaud til en euro, skikkelig kupp!), og det fungerer faktisk overraskende bra. Det er et eller annet med dikt- og nærlesing som er ganske internasjonalt, tror jeg. Hjernen setter seg i et eget spor. Så er det færre ord å slå opp fordi dikt som oftest inneholder færre ord rent fysisk. Bon. Jeg orker i hvert fall ikke å bare lese dikt på fransk hele tiden, sånn funker i hvert fall ikke jeg. Var innom Gare St. Lazare i Paris forleden, og der hadde de salg på noen bestselgere. Jeg rasket med meg flere, blant annet noe som het Elsa Linux' dagbok. Det skulle være den sexy og morsomme parodien på Bridget Jones. Det må jeg i hvert fall klare å lese, tenkte jeg. Man finner vel bare enklere språk i Donald.
Selvsagt var det ikke slik. Språket er fullt av underlige slenguttrykk som ikke står i noen av de flere meter tykke ordbøkene mine. Elsa Linux slenger om seg med ting som gjør at lærerne mine fniser eller rynker pannen når jeg spør dem om hva ordene betyr. Hvor har du lest det? spør de. Husker ikke, sier jeg da. For etter bare få sider skjønte jeg at man ikke snakker høyt om at man leser Elsa Linux.
Noe av det første Elsa Linux forteller, er at hun blir sodomisert av sjefen sin. Det var da et artig uttrykk, tenkte jeg. Han har sikkert kjeftet på henne, eller noe sånt. I ordboken min stod det at sodomiser på fransk betyr å ha analsex med noen. Javel, tenkte jeg, da er det vel et familiært uttrykk som ikke står der. Men så begynte Elsa Linux å fortelle om at hun måtte bruke smultringpute etter at sjefen hadde vært på besøk. Deretter fikk hun gjennom et budsjett på arbeidsplassen sin ved å ta av seg undertøyet og sette seg oppå kopimaskinen mens en annen sjef sa "vil De ta benene litt lengre fra hverandre, er De snill". Nå nylig har jeg lest om treneren hennes i noe som heter stretching; en velformet tyrker. De har selvsagt også sex, og det på måter som er for grove til at jeg vil skildre dem her. Jeg tenkte jeg bare skulle nevne en morsom betraktning Elsa Linux gjorde seg: Midt i kampens hete skjønte hun plutselig hvordan det var for EU-pampene å forholde seg til Tyrkia. Det var snakk om en svær bit man skulle ha inn på et ganske lite område.
Jaja. Sånn gjør de det her. Den som trodde Bridget Jones eller Sex in the city var storkjeftede, vel, Elsa Linux for dem til å virke som bleiebarn. Noe av det merkelige er at jeg hadde det for meg at franske damer var mer pripne, at de var mindre vulgære og ikke likte damer som oppførte seg teit. Men Elsa Linux' dagbok er altså en bestselger.
Har lest en annen fransk bok her; Michel Houellebecqs Atomised. Selvsagt heter den ikke Atomised på verken fransk eller norsk, jeg har jukset og lest den på engelsk (Waterstones tilbud - 3 for 2 - i England i sommer). Jeg kan melde at det har vært stor ståhei for ingenting. Én bok, til og med oversatt, er selvsagt et spinkelt meningsgrunnlag, men hvis de andre bøkene er av samme ull, er dette ingenting å få angst av. Jeg hadde hørt om stormende debatter både i Norge, Frankrike og andre utland; at mannen var kvinnehater og menneskehater og slem og liten og at han brukte berømmelsen sin til å få seg pene damer uten hjerne (sistnevnte er ærlig talt forholdsvis normalt. Jeg er godt gift, men kunne selvsagt brukt eventuell berømmelse til å ha meg med unge, pene gutter hvis jeg hadde vært singel og uattraktiv. Gjisøs! Hvem ville ikke det? Bondevik?!). Jeg oppfattet at problemet var at han var flink til å skrive, men så likte ingen hva han skrev. Eller noe sånt. Frykt ikke! For mannen kan skrive, men ikke overvettes godt. Det han driver med er satire, i verste fall amatørprovokasjon. Jeg vil kalle ham lettlest og morsom, men med teite science-fiction innslag og altfor klart nærvær av selvføytidelig pretensiøsitet. Sånn var det med den saken.
Neste bok jeg skal lese blir faktisk Irene Larsens Anemonepust. Hun er publisert i forrige Jung-nummer med nyskrevne prosatekster, og nå tenkte jeg at jeg skulle finne ut hva anemonepust egentlig er. Au revoir-

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